Uphere is poems
’n downaire is Essays and Stories
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Some mornings I absorb inspiration
when I wake while baking in the sun on my porch
charging my antennae and batteries
birdies singing sun salutations
elation is the flavor I inhale
and it tastes like joy on my tongue
feels like freedom in my lungs
Butterflies flit through wispy clouds
as a bee buzzes loudly pass my ear.
The world is in slow motion.
My thoughts are clear enough to see
that it doesn't matter who's watching;
there is music in my heart to be danced to
to be sang, to be shared, passed on to the person on the left,
so I look at the person passing by, I smile, and say "Good Morning."
-
To be relieved of guilt…
Dissolve it in wine and swallow with pride
Because there are no absolutes outside the state store.
No right. No wrong. No good. No bad.
There are only choices.
And problems only have solutions.
But those solutions aren’t found in the solutions
we use to numb our pain or mute echoes of our trauma.
They’re found in the confrontation and naming.
Identifying patterns without shaming
And claiming the power to change.
-
Sometimes, I wonder if cynicism and negativity are, so often, on the tip of my tongue, then what am I ingesting to make it so. If the consumptions of my mind, spirit, and body are inspiring, joyful, and healthy, then WTF? Are there contaminants in the contents concealed in reminiscences, mingling with today’s senses to make present the aroma and taste of the past? This is a question for the observer of the mind that chooses the sufferings of its spirit and body, for suffering is intricately woven into joy – even if just the awareness of its impermanence. Silence is a remarkable medium for revelation. So, also, emptiness. Empty vessels that have forgotten or not yet realized their purpose will curse full cups before asking for their filling.
-
Yesterday I was writing. I knew what it was and I was cool with it.
Today --- Today I am writing, but instead of ink in my pen it’s bullshit
It stinks
Maybe its not the pen, but my thinkin
Maybe my mind’s been too much in the gutter
Must be some rancid thought amongst the clutter.
Some shit I should have put out my mind long ago.
Like that dude from the past that’s trespassed into my present
And talking like neither time or me has moved on
Maybe it’s the kids… the kids and their crap
Their teenage story and curse raps
That I can’t get out of my head
b/c on the low, I like that shit
Maybe its my supervisor – or my job
That def don’t pay me what I’m worth
While living rent free on my last damn nerve
There’s gotta be a way to clear it out
Maybe catch a spark between my lips and blow it out
shallow thoughts? just sip brown
to drown them out.
Maybe write them in pencil
and I can rub’em out
But I wrote them shits in ink,
and they’re too dark to just white them out
and the ink bleeds through
and the thoughts are still there
the ink bleeds through
and the thoughts are still there.
-
I told him I love him, and we, us, danced.
We us danced. We us danced. We us danced.
We us danced under the moonlight by the river.
By the night sounds.
The birds, the crickets and critters –
They chirped, they buzzed, they crittered.
And we, us, danced.
He told me he like the way
My skirt twirls around my hips.
He don’t mind that I’m plump.
After midnight, music from the juke joint floats
On the water for us to hear.
fireflies hover over the stream.
Almost seemed a dream
Til he leaned in and said he love me too.
Then he kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me
We lay back in the damp grass, he kissed me
And we us danced.
We danced like two people hearing music for the first time,
Amazed at the newness of what our bodies could do.
Beneath starlight til morning, we danced every time we could
with no thought or care for who saw
I told him I think I’m having a baby.
He told me he don’t think it be his, and we us danced.
We us danced. WE us danced. WE us danced.
We danced like two cats tied together
Then throwed in the river.
We danced into the dresser and the bedroom door. We danced in the hall and stairs. We danced til him run out the door.
Now ain’t that funny…?
How niggas love to dance until it’s time to face the music.
-
I was asked, once, to write my “ideal day”
Here goes…
In no particular order…
time restoring my mind, body and spirit with gratitude and affirmation for the prior day and night. Burst of natural chemicals for completing a goal… even making the bed / Showing up fully and freely for myself in unexpected ways / adding something positive to another person’s day / coffee on my porch / coffee on my porch with a dutch / exchange of wordplay in a battle of wits where touche’ equals foreplay / music / good food / a moment with a loved one / watching me rise above the bullshit and not being mad about it afterwards / backshots / time spent talking to my tree / a gorgeously hot shower followed by an indulgent massage / chocolate chocolate cake / writing something i’m proud of / making someone laugh / not splitting my wrap / finding money in my pocket.
The Four Noble Truths
How we encounter most things is while they’re in various stages of process, whatever that happens to mean. Consider a tree during different stages of its lifespan and appearances through seasons. There are some parts of that tree that started with it at the very beginning, but many other parts that arrived and departed at different times.
Are you sure about that?
My shyness was most often due to a lack of confidence in my knowledge, ability, or being accepted by others. Fear, by all other names stinks as bad. Sprinkle in (or drizzle, if you prefer) the times I may have self-sabotaged by relying on the outward perception of shyness.
Calibration
And that’s not with just perceived negative experiences. The ideas of good that I’ve adopted are measured on dirty scales also.
Loose Leaf Defined
My adult children did as all children might and went through their mother’s closet one day, happening upon the aforementioned collection of thoughts recorded in poetic form. Fortunately, for all of us, I’ve always been honest about my skeletons and demons, so no one was frightened by what was discovered
Hello, Old Friend - v
“Are you okay? That’s not like you to sound so unsure. Just one more thing, I promise. Back here.” Fear said.
Hello, Old Friend - iv
Surprised and confused at the revelation of my nemesis; that they’ve somehow orchestrated this current bout of doubt.
Hello, Old Friend - iii
I begin to sense a quickening of my pulse that is easily outpaced by the swarming thoughts in my mind.
Hello, Old Friend - ii
In this moment of uncertainty, I am only aware that I forfeited any opportunity to save myself at the moment of surrender.
Hello, Old Friend - i
When I found her, I had no idea of the effect her presence would have on my life. How she’d help me grow. Change. Become stronger. When people I thought were my friends began to disappear, she assured me that I no longer had to kiss anybody’s ass to have them around.
Ever…Have You Ever?
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with deepening my understanding of a thing for improvement, limiting my performance or doings to that narrow field ultimately limits my ability to even do those things because there’s room for progression or growth.
