Hello, Old Friend - v

Fear, Pt. 2

I’m aware that from the outside I must seem catatonic. Still I’m unable to move from in front of the mirror, held captive by my mind’s eye watching Fear and Pride walk slowly through its recesses.

Edges of consciousness fade and coming to the fore looped vignettes of past experiences.

“Remember this?” Fear asked.
”Sure. That’s the time we taught our son to not be scared of water by dunking ourself in the pool. I beat you that day. Oh, look! Here’s where I beat you when I got on that plane.”

“Did you?” Fear asked with a tone of amusement.

Fear continued its memory tour with stops at moments in vibrant colors… first successes, starting with the day I was hired the job I’d held the last 25+ years.

“Why are you showing me this,” asks Pride, “What’s wrong with being proud of having a job this long?”

The slight smile on Fear’s lips disappeared into an exhausted expression, “Cuz you hate this fuckin’ job, dummy!”

“Enough with the dummy shit,” Pride defended us. We don’t hate this job. We’ve done well here.”

“You wanted to go to school.” Fear rebutted.

“—And did! I’ve taken classes. I’m not that far from finishing.” Pride said beaming.

“And you’re no closer to finishing than you were when you quit 8 years ago, but that’s beside the point. You wanted to be a psychologist. But instead you—”

“—instead, I chose to maintain a job that was secure to take care of my family. I’ve gotten awards and promotions

“Word?” Fear asked.

“Yeah. I remember hearing your whispers whenever it was time to apply for those higher positions. We didn’t listen.” Pride replied, never feeling more like itself.

“Right. Let’s— keep going.” Fear said with its smirk returning.

“No. We don’t listen to you. Everything that matters is here. Everything is good. I can help the kids. My bills are paid. We’re good. The house is clean. We’re happy. What are you trying to do here?” Pride was in overdrive.

“Are you okay? That’s not like you to sound so unsure. We’re almost to my point. Back here.” Fear said.