Hello, Old Friend - iv

Fear, Pt I

“Where did you come from?” I growl.

“Where did I go? Haven’t you learned, by now? I’m always here, friend.” Fear said.

“I thought I beat you!” Pride spat.

“You would” Fear laughed.

I’m stunned. Surprised and confused at the revelation of my nemesis; that they’ve somehow orchestrated this current bout of doubt. But what was the worry? I was only taking a first step; a teeny tiny step. It wouldn’t even be a thing that required any sort of decision, just me getting a little information. Why would something so inconsequential bring this asshole back?

“I heard that” Fear said, interrupting my thought.

“Please, allow me to highlight the facts for you. Maybe you can come to your own conclusion.” Fear said in an almost playful tone.

“We don’t need you to expl—” Pride began in defense

“—Ahh, but, ya do, love. Shh.”

Feeling the pain of her bruise Pride fell silent, yet defiant. I was frozen.

“You think I’m being an asshole, when I’m just trying to save you.” said Fear.

“What does she need you to save her from?” Pride demanded.

“You’re stupider than I remember,” Fear taunted, “I’m saving her from her own hypocrisy. But you might call it ‘change.’”

“Shut up!” I scream. Eyes brimming with tears.

Feeling emboldened, Fear continued, “It’s really laughable when you think about it. All she does is complain about how much she doesn’t like what “is”… Dream aloud or in her journal about about what she’d do ‘if—’ She’s full of shit.

“Shut… up!” I manage to say with clinched jaws attempting to summon Anger to stop a full out cry. Anger always keeps me from crying.

Pride, feeling more pained than ever, pleads to me, “Tell them it’s not true!”

I want to, but I can’t.

The truth is I was afraid. I wanted allll the new… all the different…that would come with opportunity, but I was freaked out by what might happen as a result. Emotionally, it like thinking of walking off of a cliff.

Enjoying the moment, Fear continues infecting Pride with its poison, “She uses you, you know?”

“Bro, shut the fuck up. Get outta here with that noise.” Pride said dismissively.

Unable to let it go, Pride asks “Uses me, how?”