Hello, Old Friend - ii

Pride, Pt. 2

We are at an impasse, my mind retraces choices and decisions that got us here. How did Pride go from being my liberator and gladiator to become “They Which Would Have Me Ruined?” I become a muddy mixture of incensed and heartbroken at the revelation of betrayal from within.

It’s that feeling of betrayal that I recognize in Pride’s eyes. We only recognize externally what is already defined internally. I see where Pride is betrayed by my decision to ask for help. What made her suddenly unnecessary? Pride believed my quest for outside information meant she was being abandoned.

At this awareness, I relent in my pursuit of Pride’s vanquishment; yet, I increase my resolve to not let her be my undoing in this moment. I cannot lose, but also cannot win. Wisdom says enemies are not defeated when they are beaten, but when they are won as friends.

I loosen my grip, but Pride doesn’t view this as a gesture of peace. I surrender, but Pride doesn’t let go. In this moment of uncertainty, I am only aware that I forfeited any opportunity to save myself at the moment of surrender. It was now up to Pride.

Pride stares at me from the mirror expecting to see an expression of victory at my defeat, but instead its resignation. It’s acceptance that my efforts and projects to this point will be recorded in my history as underfunded overbudgeted vanity projects. My Pride resists such a notion; and with that, releases me.

“Truce?” I ask. “Truce.” It says.